Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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