remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
