Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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