I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
