I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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