No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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