Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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