I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
