mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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