Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
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