A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
