you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
