I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
