So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
