so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
