he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
