dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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