I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
