i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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