Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
