everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
