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I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
