i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
