Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
