I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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