I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
