i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
