I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
