True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
