Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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