i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
