Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
