Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
