how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
