Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
