Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Dick very happy bro
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
