i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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