Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
