Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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