Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
