This dress was meant to end up on your floor
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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