the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
