dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
