he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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