you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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