I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
