My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Floor bacon is actually really good
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
