just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
