Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
