is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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