Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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