you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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