well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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